Well, these might not be the top stories on ESPN or (insert your favorite sports blog here), but if I controlled ESPN, these would be the top stories and headlines.

1. “Quack, Quack, Quack Mr. Pettis.”
This just in, well this just in as of last night, St. Louis Rams wide receiver Austin Pettis apparently has a very large Mighty Ducks tattoo. The mystery of the tattoo is why does he have it? Pettis was born in 1988. The first Mighty Ducks movie came out in 1992. At the earliest, Pettis had the tattoo done when he was 18-years-old. I can only assume that fourteen years after the movie was released, Pettis was still super hyped about the comeback win over Iceland. I assume.

2. “Where Are They Now? Chunk From Goonies”
Again, based on assumptions, I am guessing that Corey Feldman made him to it. 

3. “Carolina Panther’s Wide Receiver Didn’t Know Ties Existed in the NFL. Wears Them Anyway.”
On Sunday, the Cincinnati Bengals and the Carolina Panthers ended their game in a tie. Not surprisingly, Panther’s wide receiver Kelvin Benjamin had no clue that NFL games could end in a tie. Which is kind of strange, considering he plays in the NFL and all. But at least he isn’t the quarterback. You know, the guy who is running the offense. Such as Donavan McNabb, for example, who also had no idea that a NFL game could end in a tie. Below is a picture of Kelvin Benjamin in a tie, which he did know could happen.

Kelvin Benjamin in a tie.

Kelvin Benjamin in a tie.

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