As some of you know, we are trying to get someone to check-in to our blog from every country. Some say we will never get North Korea and it should just be skipped. I say, nothing is impossible.
“But, but what about Dennis Rodman,” I say. He got in and out and tweeted. There is hope. Well, I said that until I did the research. So what are we up against? North Korea is that bad crazy homeless lady who just can’t be invited to a Ruth’s Chris, you can’t bring to the playground and is just too shameful to trifle with. It’s the opposite of America.
According to the AP, North Koreans do not have the internet, but a restricted “Intranet” called Kwangmyong, or “Bright.” It is North Korea’s authoritarian answer to the worldwide web and worse than the free internet sites you get in some airport. Chats and email are monitored when allowed. The content is fully restricted to the point that the use of “Bright” hardly even needs to be watched by officials.
Those with intranet access can navigate around an estimated 1,000 to 5,500 websites, mostly for universities, government offices, libraries and state-run corporations. The vast majority of North Koreans have no access to the Internet at all.
Wait, a ray of hope? According to the AP, “graduate students and North Korean professors at the Pyongyang University of Science and Technology are allowed to access the real Internet from a dedicated computer lab, similar to the e-library at Kim Il Sung University. They receive the same speed and unfiltered access that foreign instructors do.” Hooray! “Everyone’s access is monitored.” That could pose a problem- like three generations of jail if you are caught doing something to jeopardize the current system of government or disgrace the North Korean way.
One article concluded, “the world’s most isolated nation has drawn international condemnation for forcing its population of 25 million to endure shocking levels of starvation while forcing dissenters into brutal concentration camps.” Yeah, this click may be mission impossible.
“That bad crazy homeless lady who just can’t be invited to a Ruth’s Chris“?
Well, how bad can it be?
Remember that guy in school who told fabricated lies? It was his thing. Well, North Korea is worse.
Kim Jong il (deceased former leader)
According to official North Korean state media reports, Kim Jong il routinely shot three or four holes-in-one per round of golf. After picking up a golf club that day for the very first time in his life, he fired a 38-under-par round of 34 at Pyongyang. According to the 17 security guards who observed the performance, the score included an amazing 11 aces. Kim also had the ability to influence the weather based on his mood, so he never had a rain delay. When he was born, the season became spring and rainbows sprouted everywhere. I am not making this up. Each piece of rice in his bowl must have been the same size. We could go on and on.
Kim Jong-un (son of Kim Jong il, current leader)
Jong-un is obsessed with the NBA and has become chill mates with Dennis Rodman. Thus, he has a huge Nike collection. He allegedly has a morbid fear of barbers and cuts his own hair. Overall, he’s more mellow and not nearly insane. Or maybe he is just too dense to be that insane.
No matter who the leader is, there is no leadership
There was a fake report that North Korea announced that they landed an astronaut on the Sun. Important people believed North Korea truly released it because, well, that is how insane the country is. Everything is controlled that can leave the country, even photos of those allowed in aren’t supposed to leave unapproved. This photo was only supposed to be shown from the reverse only- women typing away on computers:
Or not. The computers were never on.
Big Brother is listening
Wait, what? Every North Korean must have a government radio turned on at all times. Snopes? Where are you, Snopes? I cannot unconfirm this.
Well, you can’t hear what they are surfing, so what’s the big deal?
The big deal
Oh, no. Three generations of punishment. How does someone even have children and grandchildren if they are locked up? 60 minutes investigated.
North Koreans Love Us, Right? Nope. They are raised to fear us based on us being even more militant and gun toting than we actually are.
But someone out there must be looking for some good American red-blooded blogging right? Again, no. There are many propaganda videos teaching them all to hate us, that we have been owned by them and we can be nuked at any moment. For those that even know America exists. Think I am kidding, watch this. We have the excerpts below:
I honestly never knew how crazy their leadership was or how suppressed their population is. Very tragic.