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March 24, 2013

Top 25 Bad Lawyer Billboards (Participants 1 – 10)

by John Phillips

Bad Lawyer Billboards (part 2 of 2)

“Billboards are a long established medium of communication, used to convey a broad range of different kinds of messages. But whatever its communicative function, the billboard remains a large, immobile, and permanent structure which like other structures is subject to regulation.” –Justice John Paul Stevens Metromedia, Inc. v. San Diego, 453 U.S. 490 (1981)

I am so sick of seeing lawyer billboards. -Everyone since Justice Stevens

There are several websites which claim to have the “worst lawyer billboards,” but they all consist of the same stale examples when there are so many fine specimens to choose from. Florida just loosened lawyer ad regulation, so the instant classics should increase. Jacksonville, Florida might be the lawyer billboard capital of the world with Farah & Farah competing with Morgan & Morgan competing with Harrell & Harrell competing with everyone else. Yet, Florida has some of the comparatively more strict advertising rules. Spend a night or two watching television in Texas or Nevada and you will see some crazy things. I am not calling these the worst or tackiest and definitely not craziest, but here are 25 billboards or outdoor ads that are definitely bad. We will single out print media and commercials soon. I am asking -begging– for submissions. In the meantime, here is the wall of shame of bad lawyer billboards-

(CLICK HERE for #’s 25-11)

10. I have always said if I had a billboard, I’d want to have the effect of real hair. I’d like to see bangs blowing in the breeze- Donald Trump style. I am kidding of course, but the next two entries are all about the hair- or lack thereof. In an effort to stand out, Chandler W. Mason focuses on his lack of follicles. He has made many “Craziest Billboard” lists for bearing his bare head as his web address. baldlawyer

 

9. hair YatoomaThe opposite of Mr. Mason is a lawyer named Norman Yatooma. At the top of his sign, Mr. Yatooma asks, “Is your lawyer balding?” I am not sure if it is a shot at older lawyers, a response to Mr. Mason or is otherwise just a thing to make you go- hmmm, but Mr. Yatooma has hair that Donald Trump would buy and his question plugged him into the top 10. lawyerhair

 

8. Speaking of random statements, the next two entries are similar and the lawyers strangely spotlighted their placement on a billboard- in opposite directions. In the first, a Florida entry, Stringer Law boasts, “Call me. I’m a Lawyer. I’m on a Billboard.” And, well, yes he is. His website fails to reference this quip or acknowledge his humor or skill at communicating the most obvious. It’s funny. lawyer6

 

7. This lawyer would have you not trust Mr. Stringer or anyone else on this list, actually. He urges you not to “hire a lawyer just from billboards or tv.” We agree. But is a billboard the best way to convey that message? It is to him. lawyer6b

 

6. The self-proclaimed Gorilla with the screaming gorilla is classically bad. Gorilla is mentioned three times. Wait for it- I bet he monkeys-around a lot at the office. #Boo. gorilla

 

5. “Trust Me, I’m A Lawyer! (My Dogs Do).” Tito Meyer went for it with this billboard. And I’d rather see this than one more Eddie Farah billboard saying “Call Me Eddie,” but it is so bad he made the top 5. dogsbillboard

 

4. Cheesy is bad. I haven’t seen these next two on any list, but they are hilariously bad or good, I can’t decide which. As this is the same lawyer, I struggled whether to give him separate entries. As I almost respect his boldness, I am keeping him right here- at number 4 with a tie between his circus themed billboard and Gasparilla pirate themed billboard… (and then a couple more honorable mentions by him too good or bad not to include). gasp blowsshein 

3. crockettFew remember the sensation of Crockett and Tubbs on Miami Vice. When you were hurt, he would fight to bring down the bad guys. Even his action figure had his suit jacket sleeves rolled up. Jacksonville has it’s very own Crockett- from the “You Hurt? We Fight” tagline to the ridiculous rolling up of his suit jacket sleeves, Ron Sholes can be seen all over town preparing to slug someone in order to represent you. His television ads are similarly cringe-worthy, the primary of which takes place in a public library (what looks to be a few years ago). Because… when I think lawyer, I think about dusty books and library cards.  I also think I want someone who is on the verge of violence or will “roll up his sleeves” and punch the judge.  And then there is the tag line and commercialization of the American flag… sholes2

 

2. Corri FetmanA Chicago-area lawyer named Corri Fetman has made waves with a sensuous billboard campaign. I can’t decide whether she or her billboards are tackier. Apparently, she posed in Playboy in February 2008. I missed the circus show that it must have been. I have nothing else to say but we knew someone would go there. boobs4 boobs3

 

1. Morgan & Morgan is beyond overexposed- Twitter news releases about signing up cases like the NASCAR injuries, questionable cases such as keeping Casey Anthony’s name in the news (to seemingly keep their own names in the news) and now a push for medical marijuana… on top of millions of dollars spent making them entirely unavoidable.

So, when I see a lawyer dressed as a universally loved symbol, much less using “Santa Claus” to endorse their tagline is too much.  I assumed some things were sacred. I assumed wrong.

santa

(CLICK HERE for #’s 25-11)

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